Such a Slacker

Ok so I really need to update my blog more often. I have been so insanely busy!! I started selling Mary Kay Cosmetics, and I must say things are going SO well!! I cant even believe how great things are going. I recently read a book called The Jackrabbit Factor. (www.thoughtsalive.com) The ideas presented in the book have forever changed my life. I see things differently now and I 'get it' so to say. The power of positive thought is amazing. I put in vision how I want my life, where I want to be and I feel it as if it were already here. I feel the gratitude and see the results. It is truly amazing!

The kids are doing great! Buddy is learning in leaps and bounds. He is currently on a boat phase and is learning all about the Titanic. Bizy is a little mom and is very helpful with the babies. She is also starting to read, which is alot of fun to see her do. Bubba is such a sweet child! He is a little comedian too. he is also starting to learn to read, but I am not going to push it, just let him go at his pace. Manu is going through a hitting phase and it is driving me NUTS!!! I just do not know what to do with him. He is also showing interest in potty training, well see how that goes. Mr. N is teething, and we think he may be allergic to the dog. I am not sure what we are going to do about that.

So we've entered baseball/Dance competition season, and the true insanity has begun. So far Buddy is 2-0 for the season and is doing really well, now that he can see with his new glasses! Oh yeah did I mention he got glasses? Bizy and I have our first competition this Saturday, I'll let you know how that goes. Buddy is also doing Karate, and is doing really well at it. As soon as he reaches Purple, we told him he can join the black-belt club, which will mean more competitions for him.

Insanity, pure insanity.... I wouldn't want it any other way ;)

Wow, and update

Ok so I have been extremly slacking on keeping my blog updated, sorry.

Here is a quick update. I have my baby on Aug 24, 5 weeks early. he then was in teh NICU for 10 days, it was the hardest thing ever, to leave him there and go home. Someday I *might* actually get around to posting a birth story... maybe...

Anyhow, things are going pretty good. Jason is working with a new company and loving it. I've started back into dance, though I really feel this is my last year. As much as I LOVE it, it really isnt good for my self-image ( I feel really old and overweight around all the other girls). Buddy is launching into love of learning, he amazes me with the things he wants to learn about, right now he is on a wat kick, specifically the first and second World Wars. Bizy has really started showing an intrest in finally learning how to read, I wondered if she would ever want to do it... Bubba is just cruizing right along, he is such a sweet hearted little guy! i cant count the times he comes up to me just to say "Mom, I love you!" Manu is getting so big and growing so fast, though he has hit a very clingy stage, but I cant complain, the whole time I was pregnant he preferred Jason, so I kinda like having his affection. As for the baby, well, he is doing So great!! the Dr.s are really impressed with how fast he is catching up, they think he was earlier than 5 weeks though, since his lungs were so under developed. He is still pretty small, it is just like having a baby longer. He is 4 months, and still fits nicely into his 0-3 month clothes. Well that is all for now, hopefully I can keep on top of things and not let it go months before updating again!!

Free at last!!!

I am so excited. My little almost 3 year old is finally potty-trained!!! I am free from diapers... well at least his diapers. I was so stressing about having three in diapers, but he finally did it. basically I decided I wasnt going to buy diapers anymore and didnt. He quickly learned he didnt like the wet pants feeling and started going in the potty chair. It only took a day and he had mastered going pee. Poop, well that was another story, it took a couple days to get that down. But it has been almost a week of no accidents!!! I am So excited!!!!

How funny that the bodily functions of our children can make us shout for joy....

Fun in the Sun

We are back from our week trip to the sunny land of California. Jason and I took the kids to Disneyland for three days and we also went to the beach. Since Bizy's b-day is was on Mother's Day this year, we had a special dinner with a princess on Sunday, our last day there. We had so much fun!!! keith came hoem singing the pirates song, and Jeremy loved the Hollywood Tower of Terror. Bizy's Favorite was the carosel and the Alice in Wonderland ride. I was surprised at how many rides I was able to ride, even being pregnant. I did sneak on a few that I though were ok, such as Soaring Over California, which is my favorite, and grizzly Rapids, which felt really good on the hot sunny days. By far though my favorite day was when we meet family at the beach for a nice relaxing afternoon. We just hung out at the beach and relaxed, while the kids built sand castles and played in the water.

Oddly my chest didnt bother me at all while we were there, but as soon as we hit the desert it came back with a vegance, and hasnt really let up since. I have another appointment scheduled for Monday and another on Friday. Hopefully we will be able to find out what is going on.

Stress

Well I ended up going to the Dr. Yesterday and they did a bunch of tests and I have an echocardiogram today. They found that my left ventricle is indeed enlarged and that two of my valves are not working properly. Atleast this is what the ultrasound tech said, and she said she would send the info along to the Dr. and he would call with the final review.

I am SO stressed right now. Obviously my body is not getting enough blood, but what concerns me more is the baby. If I am not getting enough blood, is the baby? I am so numb right now, all I want to do is curl up into a ball and cry. I feel so lost and confused. This is my 5th term pregnancy, My heart should be perfectly healthy! Did I ignore it so long that I made it worse than it originally was? Do I just suck it up, and move on as if nothing is wrong? I am still doing my typical daily activities, but I am easily winded, and I pass out alot. I just want to be whole, healthy and back to normal. I've always been healthy, why now??? What do I need to learn from this? What am I not getting, that I need to?

So many questions...

Peripartum Cardiomyopathy

Is that a mouth full or what?
Lets start at teh beginning. durring my last trimester with Bizy I started having this emmense chest heavyness, coupled with intense chest pain where I felt like I had been hit in the chest. I just shrugged it off, but with each pregnancy following hers it has gotten worse, to the point that it does this when I am not pregnant as well.
Well this last week it has been happening ALOT. I would say two to three times a day. It will last for a couple hours then goes away leaving me extremly weak, and with severe migraines. So after my midwife appointment with Jules yesterday, and telling her what was going on she said I needed to go see a Dr. about it and get it checked out beacuse it was worring her. So I made a call in to an old family friend and Cardiologist.
According to what he found, he thinks I have peripartum cardiomyopathy coupled with Rhythmetic Discrepancies, basically the heart muscle is slowly constricting and tightening, causing my heart to pump less blood, and the thumping chest pain is when my heart is trying to catch up and get more blood to my body. Pregnancy aggrivates the problem due to increase blood supply, and with each subsucuent pregnancy it is getting worse.
I made the mistake of googling the condition and scared myself, as the prognosis isnt good if you keep having pregnancies.
I go in on the 15th of May for testing to see how bad it is. Tow thing are dependant on these results, both of which sadden me. First, if it is severe, I will most likely risk out of Homebirth, which I want to do SO bad. Though I did tell Jules that technically I had this with Matthew as well and I did fine, she said she would take that into consideration, but if it is bad then she would have to risk me out. Second, chances are that this is my last pregnancy. I am SO sad. We were not neccarily planning on having anymore, but the idea of NOT being able to if I want to makes me SO sad.
This is alot to handle right now, I feel like a horrible mother, as I am SO weak I can hardly lift my baby, and I am very tired. I am praying that it all just goes away and that I will be fine when I wake up in the morning, but so far everymorning has brought another attack, followed by a day of weakness and worry.
Jules, Dr. Vincent and Jason all want me to go to the ER when I have an attack, as that is the best way to see what is going on, but it is hard, as jason is stucka t work on a project he HAS to get done, and with the kids I jsut dont have time. They all say that if I start having more attacks a day, or they get longer/harder that I need to go in asap, so I am playing it by ear and praying that it goes away. I dont want to deal with this right now.
Needless to say I am on basic bed rest, which SUCKS! I am trying to read alot of book to the kids while I can, and Keith and I will cuddle together in the afternoons and watch cartoons together, so atleast I feel that I am somewhat interacting with my kids. i feel like SUCH a horrib mother.

Thanks for listening to my self-pitty, I just need to get over it I suppose.

What's the deal?

So I have a cousin who is a NICU nurse. I don't see her very often, maybe once every couple years. Well we had an Easter get together since my mom was in town and she was there. As soon as she heard I had a home birth she went on and on about this could go wrong and that could go wrong. What do you say? I told her that I had a perfect home birth and that everything went just fine, even with an abruption. Well she then went on and one about the two babies in the hospital that she is taking care of who were born at home and how things didn't look good for them. She even said one will "Be riding the short bus when he gets older" WHAT!?!?! I realized at that point that no matter what I said she would always be 'right' so I just stopped talking about it. The sad thing was that I didn't even bring it up, someone else did. I didn't want to talk about it with her because I knew she would respond badly, I just didn't think it would be that badly. Of course the only home birth babies she would see are the ones where things went badly, she is a NICU nurse! She doesn't see that there are plenty of babies born at home that are healthy, and better off than their hospital born peers in the long run. Would it be worth getting all the research showing that home birth is safer than hospital birth to show her? Or is it better to just let it go? As my mom is in town for a week, there is a good chance I will see her again.... Maybe next time I will be prepared with a little more information.....