Free at last!!!

I am so excited. My little almost 3 year old is finally potty-trained!!! I am free from diapers... well at least his diapers. I was so stressing about having three in diapers, but he finally did it. basically I decided I wasnt going to buy diapers anymore and didnt. He quickly learned he didnt like the wet pants feeling and started going in the potty chair. It only took a day and he had mastered going pee. Poop, well that was another story, it took a couple days to get that down. But it has been almost a week of no accidents!!! I am So excited!!!!

How funny that the bodily functions of our children can make us shout for joy....

Fun in the Sun

We are back from our week trip to the sunny land of California. Jason and I took the kids to Disneyland for three days and we also went to the beach. Since Bizy's b-day is was on Mother's Day this year, we had a special dinner with a princess on Sunday, our last day there. We had so much fun!!! keith came hoem singing the pirates song, and Jeremy loved the Hollywood Tower of Terror. Bizy's Favorite was the carosel and the Alice in Wonderland ride. I was surprised at how many rides I was able to ride, even being pregnant. I did sneak on a few that I though were ok, such as Soaring Over California, which is my favorite, and grizzly Rapids, which felt really good on the hot sunny days. By far though my favorite day was when we meet family at the beach for a nice relaxing afternoon. We just hung out at the beach and relaxed, while the kids built sand castles and played in the water.

Oddly my chest didnt bother me at all while we were there, but as soon as we hit the desert it came back with a vegance, and hasnt really let up since. I have another appointment scheduled for Monday and another on Friday. Hopefully we will be able to find out what is going on.

Stress

Well I ended up going to the Dr. Yesterday and they did a bunch of tests and I have an echocardiogram today. They found that my left ventricle is indeed enlarged and that two of my valves are not working properly. Atleast this is what the ultrasound tech said, and she said she would send the info along to the Dr. and he would call with the final review.

I am SO stressed right now. Obviously my body is not getting enough blood, but what concerns me more is the baby. If I am not getting enough blood, is the baby? I am so numb right now, all I want to do is curl up into a ball and cry. I feel so lost and confused. This is my 5th term pregnancy, My heart should be perfectly healthy! Did I ignore it so long that I made it worse than it originally was? Do I just suck it up, and move on as if nothing is wrong? I am still doing my typical daily activities, but I am easily winded, and I pass out alot. I just want to be whole, healthy and back to normal. I've always been healthy, why now??? What do I need to learn from this? What am I not getting, that I need to?

So many questions...

Peripartum Cardiomyopathy

Is that a mouth full or what?
Lets start at teh beginning. durring my last trimester with Bizy I started having this emmense chest heavyness, coupled with intense chest pain where I felt like I had been hit in the chest. I just shrugged it off, but with each pregnancy following hers it has gotten worse, to the point that it does this when I am not pregnant as well.
Well this last week it has been happening ALOT. I would say two to three times a day. It will last for a couple hours then goes away leaving me extremly weak, and with severe migraines. So after my midwife appointment with Jules yesterday, and telling her what was going on she said I needed to go see a Dr. about it and get it checked out beacuse it was worring her. So I made a call in to an old family friend and Cardiologist.
According to what he found, he thinks I have peripartum cardiomyopathy coupled with Rhythmetic Discrepancies, basically the heart muscle is slowly constricting and tightening, causing my heart to pump less blood, and the thumping chest pain is when my heart is trying to catch up and get more blood to my body. Pregnancy aggrivates the problem due to increase blood supply, and with each subsucuent pregnancy it is getting worse.
I made the mistake of googling the condition and scared myself, as the prognosis isnt good if you keep having pregnancies.
I go in on the 15th of May for testing to see how bad it is. Tow thing are dependant on these results, both of which sadden me. First, if it is severe, I will most likely risk out of Homebirth, which I want to do SO bad. Though I did tell Jules that technically I had this with Matthew as well and I did fine, she said she would take that into consideration, but if it is bad then she would have to risk me out. Second, chances are that this is my last pregnancy. I am SO sad. We were not neccarily planning on having anymore, but the idea of NOT being able to if I want to makes me SO sad.
This is alot to handle right now, I feel like a horrible mother, as I am SO weak I can hardly lift my baby, and I am very tired. I am praying that it all just goes away and that I will be fine when I wake up in the morning, but so far everymorning has brought another attack, followed by a day of weakness and worry.
Jules, Dr. Vincent and Jason all want me to go to the ER when I have an attack, as that is the best way to see what is going on, but it is hard, as jason is stucka t work on a project he HAS to get done, and with the kids I jsut dont have time. They all say that if I start having more attacks a day, or they get longer/harder that I need to go in asap, so I am playing it by ear and praying that it goes away. I dont want to deal with this right now.
Needless to say I am on basic bed rest, which SUCKS! I am trying to read alot of book to the kids while I can, and Keith and I will cuddle together in the afternoons and watch cartoons together, so atleast I feel that I am somewhat interacting with my kids. i feel like SUCH a horrib mother.

Thanks for listening to my self-pitty, I just need to get over it I suppose.

What's the deal?

So I have a cousin who is a NICU nurse. I don't see her very often, maybe once every couple years. Well we had an Easter get together since my mom was in town and she was there. As soon as she heard I had a home birth she went on and on about this could go wrong and that could go wrong. What do you say? I told her that I had a perfect home birth and that everything went just fine, even with an abruption. Well she then went on and one about the two babies in the hospital that she is taking care of who were born at home and how things didn't look good for them. She even said one will "Be riding the short bus when he gets older" WHAT!?!?! I realized at that point that no matter what I said she would always be 'right' so I just stopped talking about it. The sad thing was that I didn't even bring it up, someone else did. I didn't want to talk about it with her because I knew she would respond badly, I just didn't think it would be that badly. Of course the only home birth babies she would see are the ones where things went badly, she is a NICU nurse! She doesn't see that there are plenty of babies born at home that are healthy, and better off than their hospital born peers in the long run. Would it be worth getting all the research showing that home birth is safer than hospital birth to show her? Or is it better to just let it go? As my mom is in town for a week, there is a good chance I will see her again.... Maybe next time I will be prepared with a little more information.....

WHY??

Why is Easter SO commercialized? Where did the "Easter Bunny" come from? At least Santa has a story, and a reason. Why a bunny? I do no understand the purpose of the commercialism of Easter. Easter is the celebration of the Resurrection of Christ, not a time for bunnies, and massive amounts of candy.
So after a long discussion with Jason, we decided no more. Our children are not going to grow up with the commercialism of Easter. Easter is the celebration of Christ. So we told our children there is no Easter Bunny. And we are focusing on the true meaning of the holiday, not the candy, egg hunts, and bunnies. We will still attend family eggs hunts, as I do believe family events are important, and at our egg hunts it is grandma and papa who hide the candy, not a bunny. They will still receive a small gift, a book about Christ.
Am I crazy for telling my kids there is no Easter Bunny?

I am MAD!

I know in the great scheme of things this is very trivial, but I am MAD!! I am vetoing American Idol. Two weeks in a row they have sent home highly talented people, only to keep one of the worst singers I have ever heard. Yes I am talking about Sanjaya, he is not nearly as good as Gina, or Chris and should not be there. I refuse to watch anymore American Idol this season, it is nothing but a joke!

Ok I feel better now, thanks for letting me rant.

just when I thought it was safe...

I thought Morning sickenss was over, but this last week it has hit with a vengance! Not only am I sick in the mornings as usual, but now I have to advoid certain textures of foods, and I get sick right before bed as well. I am 14 weeks and just starting my second triemster, so I thought I was good. i've never had morning sickness this bad or long. I suppose it is good news though.

On another note, schooling is going pretty well, even with the pregnancy ills. We read ALOT, which works for us as my kids are still so young. We are starting the Boxcar Children this month and I am very excited, it was one of my favorite books growing up. I also got the book American History... Stories you never heard in School, but should have. It is great! I read a little snipit from it daily, and we discuss it. I am amazes at the thoughts that my 6 year old has.

Art of Womanhood

I recently attended the TJEd forum and I am so glad I did! I learned so much, and was inspired to better my life. I particular, I went to a class called the Seasons of a Woman's Education by Stephanie Francom. I was listening to her talk thinking that I needed to talk to her after the class, and right as I was thinking that, she said "If you feel inspired to talk to me afterwards, please do." It gave me chills. So after the class was over I went up to her and we talked for a bit. I told her how I have been searching for a mentor. Not an educational mentor, but a life mentor. She briefly told me about Art of Womanhood (http://www.artofwomanhood.org). We decided to talk after the forum, as I was on my way to anther class. I loved the next class as well about Being a Joyful Mother by Angie Baker, it just added to what I was already feeling. So after the class I made my way to the Art of Womanhood table to talk to Stephanie. We talked a little more and she told me about the pilot program they are doing for Art of Womanhood, and that they are looking for people to do the pilot and then to mentor the large group that starts next year. I felt so good about this and Stephanie instructed me yo pray about it and to talk it over with Jason. I am SO greatful for that guidance. I received such a confirmation, and I had such a wonderful experience. So after a coupel days of prayer and pondering, Jason and I decided that this would be a great opportunity for me. So I am enrolled into the group and it starts next week. I am so excited to start this new journey and to learn more about myself, and my mission in life.

And then there were 7

So word got out this weekend (thanks Penny ;)) I am expecting our 5th child. While Jason, the kids, and I are very excited about a new person coming to our family, I am less than excited to officially tell everyone, so I am not going to. I am not going to openly tell people, but if they ask, then I will tell them. Bizy has put her request in for a baby sister, and for her I hope it is a girl, she needs a sister! The Boys dont really care either way, and really I am good with either one. So this fall we will have #5, WOW!!! I am too young for 5 kids!

Tell me it's a phase

So Jeremy has been just a handful lately. He is yelling at his younger siblings, and very short tempered. Not to mention extremly whinny. I just dont know what to do with him these days. On the other hand Bizy too has been very sensitive as well. maybe this goes beyond the kids.... Time to do some soul searching, to find out what is giong on....

A trip back in time

So I went to the small town of Woodruff UT where I grew up yesterday. I went to visit family I have up there. I realized I miss it. I miss the quiet afternoons, the blue sky, and the space. If I could somehow live up there I would in a heartbeat. I want out of the hustle and bustle of the city. I am a country gal, always will be. I can just imagine raising my kids on farm and small ranch. Teaching them about animals, and how they rely on us to take care of them. To teach them how to feed a calf or lamb with a bottle. Ride a horse! All the thing I enjoyed growing up. I miss it so much! maybe someday Jason and I will be in a position where we could do it, but right now we cant. With Jason being in the computer industry, we have to stay in the city, and really it isn't that bad. If we moved to A rural area, chances are there wouldn't be other TJED home schoolers, let alone home schoolers at all really. Truly though it all comes down to where the Lord wants us. This will be a matter of prayer and inspiration.

Wow I am such a slacker!
Well, now that things are much calmer at my hosue things are going much better. yesterday I took the kids to the Zoo and we had so much fun. Getting a yearly pass was a great investment. I feel like we can go and just look at a few animals and hang out at the playground and I didnt waste money.
I am finally getting back on track with Home-schooling and things are going well. Jeremy is dabbling in Love of Learning, He is growing so fast, I want him to slow down a little!!! Bizy is doing well also, she is working on writing, though she doesnt use mich pressure when she writes, so it is very light. I am trying to work on that. manu is also growing SO fast. He is already standing up to things and taking small steps, I am so not ready for that!!
I am so excited for spring, it is just around the corner and I keep looking for my bulbs to emerge. I planted bulbs last fall, for the first time and I am very excited. Jason and I are getting our yard ready to plant a garden. We will see how that goes, I am not very good when it comes to gardening!
We are taking a family vacation in May, we are going to go to Disneyland! I havent told the kids yet, and I probably wont until we get there.
Jason and I are going to the TJED Forum this weekend and I am so excited. I had so much fun last year and learned so much. Iam so excited to have Jaosn go with me, the way he internalized things is so different than the way I do, so I get a different perspective form him and I love it. We are also takin gthe family to the ball afterward. Bizy is so excited about her new dress!

What a Day

So yesterday was our first "official" home school day and it went really well. I was quite pleased with myself. The Kids decided they want to read Charlotte's Web, which I LOVE, so we started that yesterday and got a quarter of the way through it in one sitting. I created little bins with an assortment of things for the kids to do while I read, there is paper, crayons a notepad and one special Item, Such as Bizy has some lacing shapes (Her sewing). This worked amazingly well!!! WE also had a mini lesson on anatomy, I got some books form the library and we went through a couple of them, discussing different things. Then we had 'Mom; time, where I let each child choose what they want to do, Bubba just wants to read alot, so we read all sorts of Dr. Seuss books, and other books he chooses from the book shelve. Bizy wants to learn to read, so we've started 100 Easy Lessons. She also got this cool crunch art thing for Christmas, and we did that too. Buddy is WAY into math so we played Cash Flow for Kids, and he LOVED it.

All in all I feel very good about the way the day went yesterday. Though I still have a lot of organizing to do, my family room is a disaster. I have all the home school stuff out and I am going through it all, and finding places for it.

I also joined a fitness assessment through Curves, my first workout was last night. My sister-in-law and I are doing it together. I was so saddened when I saw my weight, and even more sad when I saw my body fat %. :( We will be going three times a week, in the morning and hopefully this will kick start myself into weight loss mode. Now that I am not nursing, the weight should come off fairly fast.... I hope.....

Yay! It's Official

So Friday I spent the day running around getting my papers notarized and dropping them off to the district. Buddy is Officially home schooled!! Yay!!! We went and said goodbye to his teacher and cleaned out his desk, he kept going on and on about how excited he was about home school. I home schooled him last year and decided grudgingly to put him in public school for 1st grade. Well during this last 'off track' month I decided that I didn't want to send him back, so after talking with my husband over and over,finally I just had us listed to Cor and Love of learning a Recipe For Success, from Rachel and Oliver DeMill. We listed to it on the way home from our trip to Denver last week. After listening to it Jason decided that yes, that is what he wanted, and that is was ultimately my choice. So YAY!!! It's Official!!! I am so excited!!

I completely cleaned out my pantry and took most of the food to our cold storage area so I could use the pantry closet for home school stuff. SO this week Will be all about organizing and getting things in order.

On a side note I start watching My nephew again this week which mean I get to get up at 5:45 am. I really think this is a good thing, as I haven't been getting up before 8:30 since buddy's been off track, I know I am a slacker!! Once we start the new business though I wont be watching him anymore, so I am in hopes that I create a new habit of waking up early between now and then *sigh*

And it begins

I have never blogged before, so here goes.

A little Intro, I am Liv, 25 I have been married to Jason for 7 years. We have four kids; Buddy, Bizy, Bubba, and Manu. I home school my kids, though Bud has been in school for the first part of the year. I want to take him out again, and home school him full time. With homeschooling our family chooses to use a classical education, specifically Thomas Jefferson Education. I LOVE having my children close to me. Currently Bud is 'off track' in public school and I have completely love having him home. He is supposed to go back on Monday the 22ND, but I really don't want to take him back. I've asked him also what he wants, he says he wants to be home as well.

Anyhow, I also just quit dance, I am sad really because I LOVE it, but it takes up too much time. I am there three nights a week and it is just too much. We also took Bizy out as well, it was like pulling teeth to get her to go sometimes, though the majority of the time she loved it. I've decided that in a few years when is is consciously her choice, I will enroll her then.

Jason and I are in the middle of a refinance on our house, our payment will be going down about $90.00 a month, and we are rolling in the debt we have for the finishing of the basement and the left over consumer debt we've had. I am excited to be mostly 'out of debt'. We will just have the car payments, student loans and our mortgage, but with this $$ freed up we will be able to get it all payed down faster.

After the remodel is done we are planning on starting out own business, a pc gamming/pizza place. Jason has wanted to start a PC gamming place forever, and I LOVE this tiny pizza place called Rising Crust, so we are going to do a combo. I think they will compliment each other quite well.

I suppose that is all for now. I plan on 'blogging' at least once a week, hopefully more, but we will see if time works in favor of that or not.

L