Thursday, April 26, 2007

Peripartum Cardiomyopathy

Is that a mouth full or what?
Lets start at teh beginning. durring my last trimester with Bizy I started having this emmense chest heavyness, coupled with intense chest pain where I felt like I had been hit in the chest. I just shrugged it off, but with each pregnancy following hers it has gotten worse, to the point that it does this when I am not pregnant as well.
Well this last week it has been happening ALOT. I would say two to three times a day. It will last for a couple hours then goes away leaving me extremly weak, and with severe migraines. So after my midwife appointment with Jules yesterday, and telling her what was going on she said I needed to go see a Dr. about it and get it checked out beacuse it was worring her. So I made a call in to an old family friend and Cardiologist.
According to what he found, he thinks I have peripartum cardiomyopathy coupled with Rhythmetic Discrepancies, basically the heart muscle is slowly constricting and tightening, causing my heart to pump less blood, and the thumping chest pain is when my heart is trying to catch up and get more blood to my body. Pregnancy aggrivates the problem due to increase blood supply, and with each subsucuent pregnancy it is getting worse.
I made the mistake of googling the condition and scared myself, as the prognosis isnt good if you keep having pregnancies.
I go in on the 15th of May for testing to see how bad it is. Tow thing are dependant on these results, both of which sadden me. First, if it is severe, I will most likely risk out of Homebirth, which I want to do SO bad. Though I did tell Jules that technically I had this with Matthew as well and I did fine, she said she would take that into consideration, but if it is bad then she would have to risk me out. Second, chances are that this is my last pregnancy. I am SO sad. We were not neccarily planning on having anymore, but the idea of NOT being able to if I want to makes me SO sad.
This is alot to handle right now, I feel like a horrible mother, as I am SO weak I can hardly lift my baby, and I am very tired. I am praying that it all just goes away and that I will be fine when I wake up in the morning, but so far everymorning has brought another attack, followed by a day of weakness and worry.
Jules, Dr. Vincent and Jason all want me to go to the ER when I have an attack, as that is the best way to see what is going on, but it is hard, as jason is stucka t work on a project he HAS to get done, and with the kids I jsut dont have time. They all say that if I start having more attacks a day, or they get longer/harder that I need to go in asap, so I am playing it by ear and praying that it goes away. I dont want to deal with this right now.
Needless to say I am on basic bed rest, which SUCKS! I am trying to read alot of book to the kids while I can, and Keith and I will cuddle together in the afternoons and watch cartoons together, so atleast I feel that I am somewhat interacting with my kids. i feel like SUCH a horrib mother.

Thanks for listening to my self-pitty, I just need to get over it I suppose.

Monday, April 9, 2007

What's the deal?

So I have a cousin who is a NICU nurse. I don't see her very often, maybe once every couple years. Well we had an Easter get together since my mom was in town and she was there. As soon as she heard I had a home birth she went on and on about this could go wrong and that could go wrong. What do you say? I told her that I had a perfect home birth and that everything went just fine, even with an abruption. Well she then went on and one about the two babies in the hospital that she is taking care of who were born at home and how things didn't look good for them. She even said one will "Be riding the short bus when he gets older" WHAT!?!?! I realized at that point that no matter what I said she would always be 'right' so I just stopped talking about it. The sad thing was that I didn't even bring it up, someone else did. I didn't want to talk about it with her because I knew she would respond badly, I just didn't think it would be that badly. Of course the only home birth babies she would see are the ones where things went badly, she is a NICU nurse! She doesn't see that there are plenty of babies born at home that are healthy, and better off than their hospital born peers in the long run. Would it be worth getting all the research showing that home birth is safer than hospital birth to show her? Or is it better to just let it go? As my mom is in town for a week, there is a good chance I will see her again.... Maybe next time I will be prepared with a little more information.....

Thursday, April 5, 2007

WHY??

Why is Easter SO commercialized? Where did the "Easter Bunny" come from? At least Santa has a story, and a reason. Why a bunny? I do no understand the purpose of the commercialism of Easter. Easter is the celebration of the Resurrection of Christ, not a time for bunnies, and massive amounts of candy.
So after a long discussion with Jason, we decided no more. Our children are not going to grow up with the commercialism of Easter. Easter is the celebration of Christ. So we told our children there is no Easter Bunny. And we are focusing on the true meaning of the holiday, not the candy, egg hunts, and bunnies. We will still attend family eggs hunts, as I do believe family events are important, and at our egg hunts it is grandma and papa who hide the candy, not a bunny. They will still receive a small gift, a book about Christ.
Am I crazy for telling my kids there is no Easter Bunny?

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

I am MAD!

I know in the great scheme of things this is very trivial, but I am MAD!! I am vetoing American Idol. Two weeks in a row they have sent home highly talented people, only to keep one of the worst singers I have ever heard. Yes I am talking about Sanjaya, he is not nearly as good as Gina, or Chris and should not be there. I refuse to watch anymore American Idol this season, it is nothing but a joke!

Ok I feel better now, thanks for letting me rant.

Monday, April 2, 2007

just when I thought it was safe...

I thought Morning sickenss was over, but this last week it has hit with a vengance! Not only am I sick in the mornings as usual, but now I have to advoid certain textures of foods, and I get sick right before bed as well. I am 14 weeks and just starting my second triemster, so I thought I was good. i've never had morning sickness this bad or long. I suppose it is good news though.

On another note, schooling is going pretty well, even with the pregnancy ills. We read ALOT, which works for us as my kids are still so young. We are starting the Boxcar Children this month and I am very excited, it was one of my favorite books growing up. I also got the book American History... Stories you never heard in School, but should have. It is great! I read a little snipit from it daily, and we discuss it. I am amazes at the thoughts that my 6 year old has.